Today I want to write about a common misconception that I hear all the time: that relationships should be 50/50. The truth is, relationships are never truly 50/50, and trying to make them so can actually be harmful. In this article, I'll explain why, and offer some tips for how to navigate the ebb and flow of a relationship.
So, why is a relationship never truly 50/50? It has to be like that..right?
Relationships are dynamic and constantly changing. At different times, one partner may need to give more than the other. Maybe one partner is going through a tough time at work, or dealing with a personal issue, and needs more support from their partner. Or maybe one partner is particularly skilled in a certain area, like cooking or finances, and takes on more responsibility in that area. Whatever the reason, it's important to recognize that both partners will have different needs and strengths at different times. we are not robots that can function the same way every day. and besides, life often has surprises in store for us.
Another reason why a relationship is never 50/50 is because the concept of "give and take" in relationships is not always straightforward. It's more helpful to think of it as an "ebb and flow". Sometimes one partner may need to give more, and other times they may need to take more. It's not about keeping score or making sure everything is perfectly equal - it's about being flexible and adaptable to the changing needs of the relationship. It is important to say here that it should be balanced in the long run. However, if for several months or years there is only ebb or flow for one partner, then this can lead to a serious crisis in the relationship.
It's important to recognize that every relationship is unique, and what works for one couple may not work for another. In some relationships, the balance may be more equal than in others. The key is to find a balance that works for both partners, and to be willing to adjust that balance as needed.
So, how can you navigate the ebb and flow of a relationship? Here are a few tips:
1. Practice open communication. Talk to your partner about your needs and expectations, and be willing to listen to theirs. This will help you both understand each other's needs and find a balance that works for both of you.
I would like to give you a good exercise here: Both partners tell the other which 1-2 situations were the most emotional in the past week. It doesn't have to be a situation directly from the relationship, also an observation on the street or a situation at work. It is important to describe what feelings you have experienced. This can include overwhelm, sadness, anger, etc. The other person should just listen. In this way, you can learn to talk about feelings and describe situations accurately, without talking about the relationship directly.
This exercise leads us directly to point 2, because with it you practice exactly that in addition.
2. Practice active listening. When your partner is sharing their needs or concerns, really listen and try to understand where they're coming from. Don't interrupt or dismiss their feelings, but instead validate them and work together to find a solution. As simple as this sounds, often our EGO starts to see our actually beloved partner in a discussion as an enemy and treats him accordingly. Always remember that you are both equal and both have your strengths and weaknesses.
3. Be willing to compromise. Sometimes you may need to give a little more than you'd like, but remember that it's for the sake of the relationship. When both partners are willing to compromise, it helps to build trust and strengthen the relationship. with a compromise, it is important that it is approximately 50/50. Often we compromise only for the complete benefit of the other, so that peace is restored. So be careful and rather talk properly and in detail about possible compromises.
4. Practice empathy and kindness. Put yourself in your partner's shoes and treat them the way you'd like to be treated. When you show empathy and kindness, it can help to build a strong emotional connection and deepen your bond with your partner. It is really amazing, but the person to whom we are most quickly unfriendly is usually our own partner. This can become a habit and quickly lead to a major crisis within the relationship. Kindness, no matter how much our EGO wants to resist it, is incredibly important. Remember how nice it is when someone holds the door open for you with a smile or is just friendly to you per se.
Remember, a relationship is a partnership, and it needs mindfulness, commitment and work from both sides to make it successful. It's never about keeping score or making sure everything is perfectly equal - it's about being flexible, adaptable, and committed to making the relationship work.
So, to sum up: a relationship is never truly 50/50, and trying to make it so can actually be harmful. Instead, focus on the ebb and flow of the relationship, and be willing to give more when your partner needs it. Practice open communication, active listening, empathy, and kindness, and remember that every relationship is unique.
Markus
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